|Buy My Vote
I taught government for more years than I will admit, in elementary schools, in high schools, in universities, even in jail. It took the current election season, costing one billion dollars, to finally open my eyes. Now I get it. Government is just all about me. What can I, Dr Rich Gibson, get out of this? This is my deal: Buy My Vote.
Really, I don’t mean buy my vote, exactly. That, of course, would be illegal. I am vigorously opposed to dishonest graft. Plus, I don’t have a lot of clout as a single voter.
This is the real deal: I have 200 pals, enough to tip the ballot in California proposition and candidate issues, where the count could be won by very slim margin. Our 200 votes are worth a lot. We will, for a proper consideration, give you access to our ears, our minds, and the absolute certainty of the potential for our votes–for a reasonable gift, to offset our research and development and artistic costs. We will also listen carefully to those who wish to take us for a few rounds of golf in Paris, or a training session in Budapest—all related to California issues.
Depending on the amount of the consideration, relative to others, we will take very, very, seriously your issue or candidacy. Very, very, seriously. And, in good American tradition, we will stay focused on your candidacy, unless you are outbid.
We will give you our signed ballots, blank, except for lovely individually hand-drawn smiley faces on each ballot. We understand that just as any candidate of integrity could not possibly be bribed for considerations of, say, a $100,000 contribution–indeed it is unthinkable—so we are assured that you will treat our blank ballots for what they are, historical documents and artistic keepsakes, certainly not to be cast.
There are those who will take offense at my forward looking proposal to stay the course of the election–to go steadily forward. These people are liberal state-ists, Big Government anti_free market undemocratic taxers, who want government to control the market. Our forward looking offer follows the trends of retailing and deregulation that are unquestionably key to the common good.
Besides, think of the savings. Why keep calling me and showing me all those ads, when a little investment in my learned offer could have results: 100% guaranteed. Plus, we will tell pollsters about your wisdom; maybe start a landslide.
We are just moving the cost a bit down the food chain. Democracy is, after all, just shopping in disguise, rule of the people (especially me)at the cash register. If we cannot sell, ah, our intellectual property and artistic abilities, what can we peddle? What tyranny could be worse than a government interfering with the invisible hand of the market offering a thoughtful gift to an enlightened citizen?
So, write those checks, all of you who need our free good will to propel your high ideals . Just make them out to Rich Gibson, San Diego State University, Social Studies Education. My good friends all trust me to share, as I surely trust each of you. Free at last!
Dr Rich Gibson
San Diego State